Reflections of Reality
by CursedMonastery
Summary: But, I realized something. With time, and thinking, and my brother disturbing Enzan time after time, giving me time to spend alone with Blues, I realized something truly important.


**Title**: Reflections of Reality.  
**Characters**: Saito (Rockman); Blues.  
**Rating**: PG-13, maybe, MAYBE PG-15.  
**Genre**: Drama and... ANGST!  
**Disclaimer**: don't own, don't sue.  
**Warning**: besides the obvius AU this is, there's the emo angst that could be totally part of Sasuke's (Naruto) angst repertoire.  
**Summary**: _But, I realized something. With time, and thinking, and my brother disturbing Enzan time after time, giving me time to spend alone with Blues, I realized something truly important._

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There are things, little ones, unfortable ones, that usually are a lot more trouble that they should.

I'm guessing the so-called puppy love is one of them.

Yet, to call this puppy love... it just doesn't feel right. There's more to it that a simple attraction related to the fact that that person is just something I would to have the chance to be... or be with, for all that mattered.

He's not even a person to begin with, but that shouldn't matter anyway... yet, it does.

I believe, sometimes, that this world was made for me to suffer; living an incomplete life with this illness of mine eliminating what's left of me, and keeping me out of all those little things everyone else can have a taste of. The fact that I could die in any moment, at any place, doesn't help; neither does the fact that all my hopes are focused on my chances to him to pay me that kind of attetion.

It's sad. I've tried to analize it, but there's no real conclusion.

I guess love doesn't need a real conclusion.

At the beggining, I thought it was just my desires, hopes, of changing an becoming someone like he is; someone who can take anything and anyone, someone who has no fear, someone who - and who I am lying to, while I dance around this fact - is simply perfect.

I thought it was a sane and normal puppy love... or at least, the healthier kind of puppy love you have when your crush is a navi, mind you.

But, I realized something. With time, and thinking, and my brother disturbing Enzan time after time, giving me time to spend alone with Blues, I realized something truly important.

To me, Blues was a reflection. Of those things I couldn't be, but I wanted to. It was a reflection of a reality I'll never face, because my life would never let me face it with my weakness.

And, if you ever heard about opposites being attracted to each others, that would explain my feelings for him.

He was my reflection, the perfect half of mine. That part of me that was missing since birth, the one I needed to find to be complete.

It was the proof that this feeling wasn't puppy love. Or, at least, the proof I needed to admit that this wasn't, isn't and it's never going to be puppy love.

Of course, that didn't help at all. I was (am) still in love with someone that is unable to touch me, and probably didn't feel anything for me, except for a mild pleasantness.

It's sad, so very, very, sad; when I think about it.

I'm destined to desapair without leaving anything important in this world, unable to say those three little words to my loved one... I don't like to think to much about it. If I do, I always cry. And yet, I can't keep it out of my head, those thoughts and feelings that keep poping out, screaming to me to simply go ahead and howl my feelings until everything is out, with tears walking across my cheeks and my troat completly sore.

But I'm incapable of doing that. It pains me to admit it, but that's the only truth.

I'm helpless.

And so, I'm waiting.

I'll keep waiting. Until death deside is a good time to take me, and start a new cicle, with new people and a whole world full of experiences I'll - hope - get the chance to experiment with.

Basically, a new reality. Probably, a reflection of the reality I'm living.

A reality with my loved one.

I wish I could tell you how I feel, and I wish I could touch you, and I wish so many things is painful, and it burns my insides just to think about it.

So I'll be waiting, like I'm doing now, until my reality can break trought yours, and we can really touch each other like I desire... and like I'm begging the heavens you do too.

I'll be waiting for that metamorphosis; the change in the reflection on that broken and not properly aged mirror that is my life.

The reflection of my reality, that's breaking; and the reflection of yours, that's gonna save me forever.


End file.
